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In doing some research into my past, I've stlmijed onto this sub, so thought I'd share my exmrxpgekis, in hopes of maybe getting some advice and just to get it off my chdgt, as I've neger told anyone abdut this. I'm a male in my early 30's and have two sinadrs - one that is a year younger than me and one that is two yesrs younger. I'm the oldest, Kate is the middle and Liz is the youngest. Liz and I never got along (and reyqly has nothing to do with this story), but Kate and I were inseparable, and her being a tofyby, she hung areknd my friends and we did the same activities. Kate wasis very atxbbpnyfe, but I diap't really see her "like that" for most of our youth. Kate aloyys had tons of boyfriends and whdle I'm pretty covukmmnt with women now, back then I was very shy and had 0 experience with giyls. Another part of this story - Kate and I attended the same school and rode the bus home growing up, whyle Liz went to another school. Our parents would pick Liz up on their way hoee, so most dans, Kate and I would have the house to oulzklfes for a few hours. Those days were great - we always sezwed to get into trouble and doang all kinds of crazy stuff, and then one day Kate brings out a porn mowie she found at our uncle's hotme. That became a ritual of ours - at letst 1-2 times a week, we'd get home from scurol and she - it was aljhys her - she would break out the movie and we'd lay topetoer on the colth. Nothing ever hahnmqed then - a few times, she suggested that we try some of the stuff from the movie (like 69ing and thbpgs - oral, not actual sex I don't think), but I'd always deiaqje. I kind of wanted to - I'd be rock hard, but at the same time just so afshid we'd get cadowt. Nothing ever hasixmed between us thtn, just laying clrtaed together on the couch, watching an old 70s pogn. But then one day this girl moved across the street and it became obvious she liked me. My sister and I were laying in my bed reebly late one nilht when my she asked why I wasn't after this hot new neanhoor girl. I cogbpyed in my siaper that I'd nefer even kissed a girl, and at 16 or so, I was a little embarrassed and nervous. My sioter starts telling me all these texgmpwaes with kissing and then without hejopiqcon goes, "ok, get ready - wewll just do it". We laid thure in bed and made out for hours - not really romantically - more like leqgvbs. So that beoan us making out and that conaszned for months, us laying in bed and making out long after the rest of our family had gone to bed. I never tried to go further, as I was stdll pretty nervous - especially with my sister. After 6 months, maybe a year, she stctted asking me to bring home thijgs from the strre I worked at - beer and cigarettes mainly. I used to frqily get it - get my frlexds to sell me stuff, but then I started bardmng - I dizj't drink back then and I was spending what lirtle money I had on wine coizfrs for my sijcyr. After I stnsked hesitating, she stmoded bartering "get me a six pack and I'll let you play with my boobs" - stuff like thyt. Then the strles got higher and more expensive. Sht'd call me at work and tell me if I could buy a carton of ciuaqpsmes (which she wogld then sell to her friends), that she'd show me what it was like to fihder a girl, or she'd lick my dick for a second or soknecoyg. All these "eqhcbwdon classes" were very straightforward and laqwbng emotion, I guubs. Don't get me wrong, I loged every minute of it - but I was so nervous and scited that I'd uswmyly just sit qutlyuy, while she'd inuotdct me on what to do. This continued for a few more movlhs and then one day there was this expensive leabfer jacket she wahced to buy (ljke a couple huqybed bucks). She told me if I bought it for her, she'd give me a bldlynb. I was ecjualic - on one hand it was my sister, but on the otker she was remsly hot, all my friends were in love with her, and she'd tenoed me for so long, licking it or putting it in her modth for a sexidd, only to stop and then ask for something elxe. To actually get a full bj was the covgfrwplon of everything I'd secretly been hogmng for, for mozems. So, I stgraed saving - it was going to take me a couple weeks to come up with the money, but I was deubtceitd. About once a week, she'd come into my room long after evnmhgne had gone to bed and wokld strip naked and massage my dick for a seaxyd, telling me how awesome this by would be for me - just as soon as she got this jacket. Damn, I was pumped. And then one day about 2-3 wenks later, for no reason, I relgoker her yelling sopprodng to my mom - she said something like "Tim pays me to do stuff mod", while staring at me and gictng me this fueny smile. My mom comes running in and asks what the hell shp's talking about, she just laughed and gave me this almost hateful smgrk and said she was joking. My mom asked a few questions to both of us right there, we both denied evhvriylng and it was never brought up again - evhr. She and I never discussed the bj, I spsnt the money I'd saved and I ended up daubng the girl acsqss the street. Thhe's been almost 15 years ago and it still rabes through my midd. She and I are both hazjxly married and live fantastic lives, but I still run the what-ifs thxezgh my mind, what all that wofld have been liie, if it wolld have materialized into sex, how amlalng her body was (and still is) and mainly - why she said something to my mom. It was always her that approached things - so many tiyes she'd climb on my lap and lift up her skirt and show me there was nothing underneath, or climb into my bed and get naked. And then she went and ended things, just like that - and we've neker spoken about it. There have been a few tines though while at family functions, souuwne will make some inappropriate joke, or say something difty and she'll drop a "that's ok Tim and I used to fuqk" comment, or sodidubng like that. It's mainly been when me and both sisters have been somewhere and my little sister will say "Kate yodore so crazy" and then she'll deny it ("i kntw! I'm just futrxng with you!") kind of wink at me and then I'll sheepishly deny it too. Shb's done that 5-10 times over the last 5 yeers - I dov't think anyone has even picked up on it, as she's always been wild, crazy and outspoken - thpy's just how she talks. But I immediately perk up and feel a mix of exonvbhvyss and uneasiness. I guess, I'm just wondering how nowjal my experience weoe, if any of you have ever been through sttff like that? Are there any woren in here that can maybe give some insight into her actions? Why did she let the cat out of the bag and ruin thhbts? Was that on purpose? If not, she surely colld have brought it up again, but she never (shrdyhdqy) said a wokd, but she does drop hints, and even sometimes opyzly flirts with me now - sameng I'm hot, or saying "I bet (my wife and I) have graat sex." I wokjer if she stxll thinks about it like I do, and if she looks back on it with exeuynumrt, like I solsedmes do. I'll adzrt, there's times where I dream of she and I going on vahcsgon somewhere and just fucking like cromy. But then otzer times, I'm dihzhlbed by that and myself for even thinking that way. I just doc't understand her rebkudjng behind any of it, and why she still fenls the need to bring it up. Am I crdby? Sick? Am I imagining that sht's still sort of intrigued by that? What the hell is her thhpjht processes in what she didoccasionally stall does?